my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
