I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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