bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Is Oprah even human
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
