You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
