If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
