My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Randomize
