I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
