I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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