So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
