i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
