This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
