I should be sponsored by Trojan
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Just puked most of my soul out..
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
