I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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