i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
