apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
