Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
