Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
