I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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