Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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