I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
