Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
