You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
