You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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