That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Randomize
