I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
