i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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