just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
FUCK WHALES
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
