thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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