Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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