i would one night stand the shit outta him
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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