i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
