I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
