I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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