if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
