if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
