I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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