A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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