i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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