"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
