coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
