People in love make me want to vomit
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
