Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
