Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
