I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
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