OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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