she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
