I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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