my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
