I hate all girls vehemently.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
