so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
